I was 20 years old and I had just made out with a good ‘ole country boy in his good ‘ole pick-up truck in North Carolina. It was our second date.
“So you’re majoring in journalism, right?” he asked. “Are you going to work for a newspaper in Charlotte? I know you work at the school newspaper now.”
I let out a long, heavy sigh and rolled my eyes out the window—biting my tongue to hold back a snarky response to his suggestion that Charlotte could even compare to Manhattan.
I never saw him again after that night…and he wasn’t the only one. In college, I kind-of sort-of dated several guys who all wanted to stay in the mountains of North Carolina and couldn’t understand my ravenous desire to get the hell out of dodge as soon as I had that diploma.
I’m also single. Very, very single. I thought that by moving to New York, I’d get away from the men who were intimidated by my desire to write about lifestyle and love. But I’m no longer that ever-hopeful transplant that moved here certain I’d find my soul mate. You could say that I’ve tried nearly everything—online dating, group dating, blind dates, speed dating, Meet-up dating and of course, random meet-cutes in public places. I’ve had a few two- or three-month things here and there… but if you ask me if I’ve felt love from a man in the last four years, the answer is absolutely not.
Why? My current theory is a a little irrational, sure—but I’m anxious that by writing about love, I’m dooming myself to never actually find it.
I write about topics that some guys are a little intimidated of (ya know, AskMen articles about how they could be better in bed, for example). I also have written articles all over the Internet where I practically share my entire soul: what I hope my future husband knows and what I hope my married sex life will be life, for example.
I wonder if my ideal man exists for a dating writer. Is it just too much pressure? And would I be willing to compromise my career to be in love?
It’s a topic I think women struggle with a lot and one that the media (hey, we’re guilty) plays up. Regardless of your sex, when it comes to having a strong marriage (and eventually, children), one or both of the partners have to give a little. Would I be willing to take some time off to raise a baby? Yep. Would I ever want to give up writing about love because it made a guy uncomfortable? No… and frankly, I don’t think I could. I happily look forward to the day when I don’t write about going on dates, but would I give up writing about marriage? Children? Family? Love is my favorite thing to think and write about, so it feels silly that I’d have to give it up to actually be in love.
When I do find that special guy, it’ll mean finding someone who wants me to be happy, even if that means at times, I overshare about our relationship (in a way that we both decide is okay). It’ll mean that falling in love doesn’t mean I have to fall out of love with my career—and that to be happy in love, I don’t have to be someone other than exactly who I am. After all, since when have men had to stop doing whatever it is they do best to land a wife?
So I’m going to keep writing. And one of these days, he just might read something, and together, we’ll fill in all of my TKs.
Lindsay Tigar is a writer and editor in New York. She’s currently the editorial director for the lifestyle company, ClassPass, where she manages their blog, The Warm Up. She also writes for AskMen, YourTango, Bustle, FitPregnancy, REDBOOK, Prevention, eHarmony’s blog and more. When she’s not thinking of new ideas, she can be found booking last-minute plane tickets when the mood strikes, drinking red wine, trying new recipes or going on long walks with her cute pup, Lucy. For a full collection of her work, visit LindsayTigar.com.